Lodestar
by Kado-Kattsune
Summary: Definition of lodestar: (noun) 1. (archaic) a star that leads or guides; especially north star, 2. one that serves as an inspiration, model, or guide. [A book of extra content for Arcanum: Count Your Lucky Stars.]
1. Dance With Me?

**A/N:** I have some extra chapters/drabbles for Arcanum that have been up on my AO3 and spacelionsrampant tumblr for a while but I thought I'd drop them here in one convenient book for people to enjoy. :) In no particular order but I will include setting/time information.

Setting: Several months before Ren's accident and roughly four months before Kerberos launch.

* * *

"Dance with me?"

Ren paused, mouth full of french fries, turning her head slowly to regard the pilot beside her. One hand was half-raised with more fries from the cardboard container on her lap. From beside her, on the other side of the park bench, she heard Katie snicker. Without looking over the mechanic reached over, stuffing the extra fries in the smaller girl's face. Katie choked, either on her laugher or the sudden food, and Ren swallowed.

"Shiro, it's-"

"I know," he interrupted, already red. "I know."

"No, no," Ren laughed, brushing the salt from her fingers. "You asked, I'm finishing that sentence."

"Please don't," the pilot groaned, looking like he wanted to forget the last minute entirely.

The brunette hummed, linking one arm with his as she passed the container of fries over to the younger girl beside her. "I don't know. Katie, what do you think?"

"I think you should tell him," Katie responded, her grin far too similar to Ren's own to sit comfortably with Shiro.

"You two have been spending too much time together," Shiro commented, but it did nothing to derail the conversation.

"As I was saying," Ren continued, lifting Shiro's arm to look at the watch on his wrist. "It's 2:30 in the afternoon, we're in the park, and worst of all there's no music."

"There are some birds," the Holt girl offered, laughter in her voice.

"Yees," the mechanic admitted, tipping her head back to look upwards to the tree branches above them. "But birds are remarkably difficult to keep a beat to. They have no sense of rhythm."

"I can fix that," Shiro responded, the statement surprisingly steady for as embarrassed as he was.

Ren arched an eyebrow, meeting his gaze. "The birds? I know you're a pilot, but I don't think you have any sway over-"

"The music," he explained, chuckling. The pilot's smile was charming, even with his face and ears still red. Shiro stood from the park bench, turning to face the mechanic and holding a hand out to her. "Dance with me."

"Yeah, Ren!" Katie encouraged, practically tossing the french fries aside as she searched for her phone. "Dance with him!"

Ren hummed, pretending to consider the offer. The corners of her lips turned upward, unable to stop the smile from forming as her eyes met his. She reached out, fingers curled around his, hand warm. "I didn't know you could dance."

"I'm full of surprises," Shiro responded, gently pulling her to her feet. The pilot took several steps backwards away from the park bench to give them enough room. His other hand found her hip, settling awkwardly over her tool belt. "Don't you ever take this off?"

The brunette's smile turned crooked as she watched his face from under the fan of her eyelashes. "Well…"

" _Ren_ ," Shiro sighed, face hot once again.

"Alright, alright," Ren replied, doing her best not to snicker. "I'll behave. Do your worst."

The pilot was quiet for long enough, eyes watching some unknown point over her shoulder, that Ren began to wonder if he wasn't going to back out of his impromptu dance offer. When his eyes found hers again his expression was oddly serious. "Now don't laugh."

Ren's eyebrows rose in silent question as Shiro began to lead her in a slow dance, something between a waltz and the awkward sway from middle school. His smile returned and the pilot leaned over until their foreheads nearly touched. What happened next Ren was almost certain she imagined, Shiro's voice so low that even with their closeness she almost missed it.

 _"Fly me to the moon, and let me play among the stars…"_

Matt leaned over the back of the park bench, careful to hold the ice cream out of the way and watching as his sister diligently recorded the scene unfolding several feet away. Ren leaned back, all smiles and laughter with her own face now dusted with pink, before she hid her face against Shiro's chest. Shiro was laughing now too, his arms around the mechanic in a tight hug, his chin resting on the top of her head.

"Disgusting," Matt commented, unable to stop his own smile from spreading across his face. "How am I supposed to eat my ice cream when they're already giving me cavities?"

Katie laughed, fingers typing rapidly on her phone's touch screen as she sent the video off to Aileen. "I guess you'll just have to give it to me."


	2. Edwards Family Holiday

**A/N:** This chapter takes place five months after the Kerberos mission launch, shortly before the news breaks of the crash. About one month before 'The Moon' chapter of Arcanum. Featuring some, but not all, of AIleen's many brothers.

* * *

The mountain cabin smelled like a seasonal candle: the strong scent of pine, that inexplicable cold smell of fallen snow with the promise of more in the air, and the holiday cooking wafting out the kitchen windows. Christmas lights and garland decorated the porch, the petite white lights making the fallen snow sparkle like glitter. Inside was equally festive with stockings on the mantle- a line of knit stockings reaching to the wall on either side; one for each near-grown child, spouses, and all the grandchildren. The christmas tree was tall enough to reach the ceiling, decked out in tinsel and decorations, lights blinking in time with the music playing softly.

Ren had settled herself into what was commonly known as 'the good chair' by the fireplace, legs propped up with an extra pillow under them. The one good thing about recovering from a terrible injury was that there had been minimal fighting to claim the seat. One of the dogs had climbed onto her lap and the mechanic was idly messing with the canine's floppy ears.

The couch beside her creaked as someone sat down. From the corner of her eye Ren could see Nate, his youngest son carefully perched on his knee and bouncing lightly. Her cousin was grinning. Ren frowned. It wasn't the grin of a doting father, it was the grin of an older sibling. The leather of the chair squeaked as Luke draped an arm across the back, leaning down far enough to be seen in his cousin's field of vision. He was wearing the same smirk. Ren's frown increased.

"What?" she asked, glancing between the two. "What do you want?"

"It's Christmas," Luke stated as if it would explain everything.

Ren glanced over to the fireplace festooned in all of its holiday glory, then dropped her eyes to the dog's holly patterned collar. "I noticed."

"Didn't you say you would bring someone this year?" Nate's grin was all teeth. If it wasn't for the teasing note to his voice it would have looked as if he were picking a fight. "What happened to that?"

"You know what-" the brunette's retort was cut short as Justin vaulted over the back of the couch. He landed heavily on the opposite end of Nate, somehow managing not to spill his beer. Nate's son giggled and clapped as his uncle settled into something resembling a normal sitting position.

"Yeah, Ren. Even I brought my girl with me." Justin jerked a thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the kitchen where the holiday dinner was being prepared. "Innit she a peach?"

From the corner of her eyes Ren saw Luke roll his eyes, muttering something about how the poor sweet girl wouldn't last much longer. Justin flipped his brother off, taking a swig from the beer bottle in his hand before asking, "So what happened, Ren? You scare him off with that weird thing you do?"

The mechanic snorted, noticing how her younger cousin didn't specify what he thought 'that weird thing' was. The Kerberos exploration mission was hardly a Garrison kept secret. In fact it had been televised in the months leading up to the launch and the launch itself. Ren knew that her cousins were well aware of why her plans to finally bring Shiro to a family gathering had fallen through, they were just out to tease her. Especially with her mobility and ability to retaliate limited.

"I didn't scare him off."

Luke reached down with the arm that wasn't draped across the back of her chair, ruffling his fingers through her hair. "Then where is he?"

Ren huffed, swatting the hand away. "Space."

Her cousins laughed, Justin going so far as to slap a knee. Ren sulked, propping up her chin on the palm of her hand. She knew better than to expect any of them to let this go. Not when her story sounded so wonderfully fake, national news be damned.

"Come on, guys," Devon called out as he stepped out of the kitchen carrying a serving bowl of mashed potatoes so large it bordered on questionable. "Don't tease her just because her story sounds-" He wasn't able to finish the sentence before his shoulders began shaking. There was a minute of struggling noises before Devon gave up and laughed hard enough to nearly lose the mashed potatoes. "S-say it again, Ren. Where's your boyfriend?"

The mechanic groaned, dropping her head back against the chair. "He's in space."

Another bout of laughter sprung from her cousins, loud and unabashed. When the laughter had finally died down Luke had moved to sit on the couch between his two brothers and Devon had disappeared back into the kitchen to retrieve the next side for the dinner table. Nate reached up, one hand wiping at the corners of his eyes while the other made sure his son wouldn't fall.

"But seriously, Ren, you'll bring him by sometime, right?" Nate shifted his son to his lap proper and the toddler began to squirm. "I want to see this guy you're so serious about."

Luke hummed, resting his chin on his hand and looking as if he were trying to remember something important. "Isn't this the kid you've been head over heels for since you were Aileen's age?"

Justin choked on his beer, nearly spilling it down his front as he laughed again. "Shit, seriously?"

Nate reached across the back of the couch, leaning slightly to reach past Luke and smack his youngest brother upside the head. "Language!"

Ren turned her head to face the couch, frowning at her cousins. "You're exaggerating."

Luke cleared his throat, folding his hands under his chin and readied his best young Ren voice. "Listen to this, Lee," he paused for a moment, dropping the voice. "Never mind that Lee was eight at the time." Luke batted his eyelashes and returned to the voice, "there's this guy-"

Ren reached down, pulling the pillow out from under her leg and lobbed it at her cousin. It smacked Luke square in the face, effectively silencing him. "Don't put words in my mouth!"

Nate blinked, expression going slack as realization dawned on him. "Lee! Aileen's met him!"

"What?" Justin hissed. "That's not fair."

Nate turned in his seat, facing the kitchen. He inhaled sharply before shouting, loud enough to be heard over the ambient kitchen noise and busy cooking. "Oi, Aileen!"

The only female Edwards child stuck her head out of the kitchen, frowning. "What?"

"You've seen Ren's beau, haven't you?" Luke asked, gently tossing the pillow back at the injured mechanic. "You got a picture?"

"Who the he-" Nate shot Justin a dark look and the younger brother swallowed, amending his sentence. "Heck says beau, Luke?"

The blonde's face lit up and she hurried over, pulling her phone from her pocket. "Oh, totally. It's my home screen."

Ren sat up, raising an eyebrow. "Why is it your home screen?"

"Because," Aileen responded, sticking out her tongue. "You'll never do it and it's a cute picture."

She unlocked her phone, swiping her finger several times to clear the apps from the screen so that the background would be visible before lowering the phone so that her brothers could see.

The image Aileen had chosen showed Ren on that tacky couch they recognized from her living room, looking wide-eyed and clutching a bowl of popcorn as if she were going to fling it at the screen. She was half leaning on the man beside her, as if they had been cuddling before the mechanic was moved to popcorn throwing movement. One of his arms was around Ren's shoulders, the other was reaching out to stop the popcorn bowl from taking flight. He might have been laughing.

"Ren forgot I was there," Aileen explained as her brothers snickered.

Unable to see the picture they were looking at the brunette squinted, attempting to recall the instance Aileen was talking about. "The movie night? I 'forgot' because you weren't even supposed to be there."

The blonde blew a small raspberry, waving a hand. "Semantics."

Ren squinted. "That's not what that word means."

"He looks like a dweeb," Justin commented. This time it was Luke and Aileen in tandem that smacked him. "Ow!"

"He looks charming," Luke insisted. "Though slightly blurry."

Nate reached over, lightly smacking his cousin on the arm. "Hasn't anyone ever told you not to waste food? Popcorn ain't going to stop no one."

The mechanic rolled her eyes. "Next time I'll be sure to throw Shiro at the picture taking intruder."

Justin tipped his head, considering. He laughed, a quick bark of a sound, and gestured with his beer bottle. "I'd actually like to see that. Make sure you let Lee get a picture of it before you crush her."


	3. An Unsent Letter

Shiro,

It feels ridiculous, writing something you'll never see.

[The pen waivers here, the ink point dark and shaky before the writing continues.]

But it also feels like I can pretend. Like you're just somewhere far enough away that the post can still reach. Not planets and light years, and oceans of stars-

[The sentence stops suddenly and is crossed out.]

Even if I wanted to pretend, I couldn't. It's all the news talks about; all anyone talks about. I thought it would be easier, coming home to an empty apartment. I'd done it before, before you were ever here. It would be just like the Garrison dorms, or when I first moved in. It should have been.

But it wasn't. It's dark and I hurt and I am alone.

If anything it feels like you're haunting this place. Everything you left behind is here, like you've just left. Like you'll walk back inside at any moment. It feels like you should be here.

I try to sleep at night and the bed feels like I'm drowning. Your stupid Garrison sweatshirt still smells like you and I'm terrified of the day when it doesn't. I try to sleep and I'm only left with questions.

Did I tell you enough that I loved you? Did you know how much I meant it?

I love you. I love you. I love you. I-

[The writing becomes illegible, becomes a scribbled mess, then stops.]

Did Matt know that I wouldn't have given up our friendship for anything? Could he ever forgive me for not being able to comfort Katie? I should be there for her. I _should_.

I can't breathe here.

What am I supposed to do now?


	4. First Meeting: Ren & Shiro

**A/N:** During Garrison training, ages 14-15.

* * *

"Matt!"

Ren dropped herself against the smaller brunette's back, arms across his shoulders and chin resting on top of his head. She laughed, bending her knees and leaning her full weight on him. The Holt boy stumbled, arms out in an attempt to keep his balance.

Matt adjusted his glasses after a moment, satisfied that she hadn't sent the both of them crashing to the floor. "Can't you ever say hello like a normal person?"

Though he couldn't see it Matt was sure that Ren had scrunched her face into a mock thinking expression, only pretending to consider the question. Her arms folded around her shoulders and he was left to resign himself to the fact that she wouldn't be moving soon.

"No," Ren decided, giving the answer Matt had been expecting. She shifted, dropping her chin to rest on his shoulder. From the corner of his eye Matt could see the brunette girl's grin. "This is more fun."

The shorter boy frowned. "For who?"

"Me," Ren stated, lightly patting Matt's chest with the open palm of a hand. "The most important person in your life."

"You think awfully highly of yourself," Matt replied dully, but the corners of his mouth were curving upwards, smiling despite his annoyance.

"Er," a new voice spoke and Ren blinked, lifting her head to look ahead. Standing less than a foot in front of Matt was another person she really should have seen on her approach.

"Oh shit," Ren said, though she made no effort to remove herself from Matt's back. "You were talking to someone. Hi?"

The patches on his uniform jacket signaled that he was in the piloting program and the name patch read 'Shirogane'. Now that she thought about it, the girl was sure she had seen him in passing around the Garrison. The cadet stepped forward, smiling. It was warm and friendly, the sort that made it impossible to imagine the kid having any trouble meeting people or making friends.

"An introduction," he said, offering Ren his hand. "Since Matt already seems to know you."

"What gave that away?" Ren asked, raising an eyebrow and grinning as if she had just told a great joke.

"Don't do it," Matt responded, only the tone of his voice giving away his teasing. "You'll never be rid of her."

"Excuse you," the girl frowned, poking at his cheek. "I'm a fucking delight." Ren shifted, reaching out to take the other cadet's hand without having to remove herself from Matt's back. "Serenity Ripley."

"Takashi Shirogane," the pilot-in-training replied, giving the hand a shake.

Ren blinked as she released his hand. "I've heard that name."

"Shiro's the top of the class in the Piloting Division," Matt provided, forced to accept that Ren wouldn't be moving anytime soon. "He's already on the top of the list to work with Dad on any off-world missions after basic training finishes up."

Shiro chuckled quietly, hand moving to the back of his neck. "I don't know about that."

"Aww," the brunette girl pouted, dropping her chin back onto Matt's shoulder.

The Holt boy rolled his eyes, "You're not even a pilot, Ren."

"Yeah, but mechanics rarely get assigned to specific units unless they're going off-world for an extended amount of time." Ren dropped her legs, no longer making Matt support her full weight, but made no effort to move away.

Matt patted one of her arms lightly. "There, there." He didn't sound especially convincing.

"Well," Ren decided, standing straight, though her hands remained on the smaller brunette's shoulders. "I guess that means Shiro here's going to be in charge of my Important People." He could practically hear the capital letters.

"Nothing's been decided yet," Shiro offered. He felt like he should appease the girl but had no idea how to go about it.

"Hmm, nope." Ren shook her head, walking around to face the young pilot, hands on her hips. "Sounds pretty possible to me. So I'd like to be sure I can trust you with the job."

"I told you." Matt said, tone somewhere between grim and I-told-you-so. "I told you that you'd never be rid of her."

The girl frowned over her shoulder at her friend. "Hush, you." Turning back to Shiro she smiled, tipping her head ever so slightly to one side. "I want to get to know you better. Come have lunch with us."

It wasn't a question. Before he could even think of declining, Ren linked her arm with his still smiling, and leaving Shiro to awkwardly walk backwards as they began down the hallway. The pilot-in-training looked back towards the bespectacled cadet. Matt simply shrugged.

"At least let him walk on his own, Ren!" he added, resigned, half-jogging to catch up with the mechanic and her captive.


	5. A News Report

The youngest Edwards brother had taken to occupying the family cabin while on leave from the Air Force. With Aileen at the Garrison and their father away with his Army work there wasn't anyone else to watch the place. Justin stretched, popping his back, before dropping backwards over the arm of the couch to lay flat in just that sort of obnoxious way that got him yelled at during every family gathering. He smirked, self-satisfied, and folded an arm behind his head as he began to flip through the television channels.

 _"-and cheesy garlic bread today on-"_

 _"-scores! He scores!-"_

 _"-NOT the father!-"_

 _"-and in continuing our report from the Galactic Garrison-"_

Justin's thumb froze on the channel button as he struggled to sit up straighter. There on the screen beside the reporter were five pictures: two teenage boys he didn't recognize, some kid that looked concerningly like his cousin's dweeby friend, and-

The Airforce airman dropped the television remote, a jolt of panic and adrenaline banishing his plans for an afternoon nap. His mouth suddenly felt dry.

The last two pictures in the lineup were his baby sister and cousin; their names written in that bland, informal font. Aileen Edwards, Serenity Ripley. Ren's picture grew until it filled half of the screen next to the reporter as she continued her report.

 _"It's now believed that former Tech Sergent Serenity Ripley is involved with the disappearance of four cadets, including Aileen Edwards- her cousin. Security footage shows Ripley following three of the missing cadets and then later returning to collect Edwards. Ripley then had a physical altercation with her commanding officer and security personnel. It's believed Ripley suffered from a mental break due to-"_

"What. the. _Fuck_?" Justin twisted himself into a proper sitting position, outburst startling one of the dogs. "What the fuck does that- what the fuck is going on? Missing? _Mental break_?! The man raked a hand through his hair, free one searching for his cellphone. "Iverson, you bag of dicks. You told us nothing!"

The news report continued, the sound of it little more than noise as he punched in his oldest brother's number. Nathan answered after two rings.

 _"Justin, what-?"_

"Have you heard this bullshit, Nate?" Justin demanded before the oldest Edwards son could finish. Have you heard from Lee? Or Ren? This can't be true."

 _"I don't know what you're talking about,"_ Nathan began. Justin could imagine the annoyed expression on his brother's face. He must have been in the middle of paperwork. _"You know Ren only ever calls Lee and they're both at the Garrison now."_ There was a pause. _"Though, come to think, it's unusual for Lee to go so long without calling. What have you heard?"_

"How can you not know? It's on the news all the way out here!" Justin groaned, now pacing the living room floor in a poor attempt to displace nervous energy. "You're useless! I'm calling Luke."

 _"Don't you hang up on me, Justin. What is hap-"_

It was times like this Justin missed flip phones, if only for the satisfying click when hanging up.

Calls to every other brother proved that neither Lee not Ren had been in contact, typical for their cousin but highly unusual for their baby sister, and that they had either not heard the news or had no answers.

It took nearly two weeks before all the brothers could meet in one location. The time had provided next to nothing. Ren's truck had been located abandoned, missing an entire set of her tools, and containing little else than her Garrison uniform and the contents of her glove-box, spilled across the passenger side floor.

"There wasn't anywhere for them to have gone on foot," Luke flipped through a file that almost certainly hadn't been meant to leave the local department. "Nothing but desert and rocks for miles."

"Iverson still isn't taking my calls," Nathan grumped, ending his latest attempt. "And the heightened security means we can't get on location without an appointment."

"Ren wouldn't do this," Devon fumed, scrolling through what might have been a news article on his own phone. "Kidnap kids."

"No one's saying she did," Brian said, attempting to mediate.

"Uh," Justin interrupted, looking incredulous. "Iverson is. The news stations are. The internet is."

"Don't read things on the internet," Nathan frowned. "Has anyone told Dad yet?"

"No," his brothers answered in near unison before Luke continued, "Though I wouldn't be surprised if he's camped out in Iverson's office. If anyone can pull rank and get through security without an appointment it's him."

"That still doesn't get us _answers_ ," Devon shut his browser window with a swipe more fierce than it needed to be. "Our family is being dragged through the mud and we don't even know where they are."

Brian sighed, long and drawn out with his shoulders sagging. "Ren hasn't been right since the accident and…the crash." His brothers turned to look at him, several giving him sharp looks. "I know she didn't do what they're saying but what if she did…something else."

"Then she wouldn't have gone and gotten Lee," Nathan said, a heavy finality in his words.

"No, Iverson knows something," Justin interrupted, lip curling. "Ren might not have ever liked the guy but she respected the chain of command. If she attacked him like that there was a _reason_ for it. Maybe she didn't feel like it was safe for Lee to stay there."

The Edwards brothers were silent for a long moment, each looking between the others. It was Nathan that finally spoke, breaking the heavy quiet.

"So we get to Iverson."


End file.
